Clinical Reference Systems: Pediatric Advisor 10.0
The Adopted Child
Parents with an adopted child wonder whether, when, and how
to tell their child that he or she is adopted. They also
want to know if there are special problems for an adopted
child.
Child and adolescent psychiatrists recommend that a child be
told about the adoption by the adoptive parents. Children
should be told about their adoption in a way that they can
understand.
There are two different views on when a child should be told
about the adoption. Many experts believe the child should
be told at the earliest age possible. This approach
provides the child an early opportunity to accept the
concept of being adopted. Other experts believe that
telling a child too early may confuse the young child who
can't really understand the event. These experts advise
waiting until the child is older.
In either case, children should learn of their adoption from
the adoptive parents. This helps give the message that
adoption is good and that the child can trust the parents.
If the child first learns about the adoption, intentionally
or accidentally, from someone other than the parents, the
child may feel anger and mistrust towards the parents. He
or she may view the adoption as bad or shameful because it
was kept a secret.
Adopted children will want to talk about their adoption and
parents should encourage this discussion. Several excellent
children's storybooks are available in bookstores that help
parents tell their child about being adopted.
Children have a variety of responses to the knowledge that
they are adopted. Their feelings and responses depend on
their age and level of maturity. Some children may deny the
adoption or create fantasies about it. Frequently, adopted
children hold onto beliefs that they were given away because
they were bad, or they may believe they were kidnapped. If
the parents talk openly about the adoption and present it in
a positive manner, these worries are less likely to develop.
All adolescents go through a stage of struggling with their
identity, of wondering how they fit with their family, their
peers, and the rest of the world. The adopted adolescent is
likely to have an increased interest in his or her birth
parents during this stage. This open curiosity is not
unusual and does not mean that he or she is rejecting the
adoptive parents. Some adolescents may wish to learn the
identity of their birth parents. Adoptive parents can
respond by letting the adolescent know it is okay to have
this wish. The adolescent who asks should usually be given,
with tact and supportive discussion, information about the
birth family.
The adoptive child may develop emotional or behavioral
problems. The problems may or may not result from
insecurities or issues related to being adopted. If parents
are concerned, they should seek professional assistance.
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