Clinical Reference Systems: Pediatric Advisor 10.0

When a child or teenager steals, parents are naturally concerned. They worry about what caused their child to steal, and they wonder whether their son or daughter is a "juvenile delinquent."

It is normal for a very young child to take something that excites his or her interest. This cannot be regarded as stealing until the youngster is old enough, usually 3 to 5 years old, to understand that something belongs to a particular person. Parents should actively teach their children about property rights and the consideration of others.

Although they have learned that theft is wrong, older children or teenagers may steal for various reasons. A youngster may steal to make things equal if a brother or sister seems to be favored with affection or gifts. Sometimes a child may steal as a show of bravery to friends or to give presents and become more popular at school.

Parents should consider whether a child has stolen out of a need for more attention. In such cases, the child may be expressing anger or trying to get even with the parents. The stolen object may become a substitute for affection. The parents should make an effort to give more recognition to the child as an important family member.

If parents take the proper measures, in most cases the stealing stops as a child grows older. Steps you can take if you find out your child has stolen something are:

• Tell the child that stealing is wrong.
• Help the youngster pay for or return the stolen object.
• Make sure that the child does not benefit from the theft under any circumstances.
• Avoid lecturing, predicting future bad behavior, or saying that you now consider the child to be a thief.
• Make clear that this behavior is totally unacceptable within the family tradition and the community.

When the child has paid for or returned the stolen merchandise, the matter should not be brought up again. This allows the child to begin with a clean slate.

If stealing is persistent and thefts continue despite these measures, the stealing probably results from more serious problems in the child's emotional development. Children who repeatedly steal have difficulty trusting others and forming close relationships. Rather than feeling guilty, they blame the behavior on others, with the argument that, "Since they refuse to give me what I need, I will take it." Some children steal out of a fear of dependency. They wish not to depend on anyone, so they take what they need.

In treating a child who steals persistently, a mental health professional can diagnose the underlying reasons for the need to steal and plan a program of treatment. Important aspects of treatment are helping the child learn to establish trusting relationships and helping the family support the child in changing to a more healthy path of development.