Clinical Reference Systems: Pediatric Advisor 10.0
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Masturbation in Preschoolers
DESCRIPTION
Masturbation is self-stimulation of the genitals for
pleasure and self-comfort. Children may rub themselves with
a hand or other object. Masturbation is more than the
normal inspection of the genitals commonly observed in
2-year-olds during baths. During masturbation, a child
usually appears dazed, flushed, and preoccupied. A child
may masturbate as often as several times each day or just
once a week. Masturbation occurs more commonly when a child
is sleepy, bored, watching television, or under stress.
CAUSE
Occasional masturbation is a normal behavior of many
toddlers and preschoolers. Up to a third of children in
this age group discover masturbation while exploring their
bodies. Often they continue to masturbate simply because it
feels good. Some children masturbate frequently because
they are unhappy about something, such as having their
pacifier taken away. Others are reacting to punishment or
pressure to stop masturbation completely.
Masturbation has no medical causes. Irritation in the
genital area causes pain or itching; it does not cause
masturbation.
EXPECTED COURSE
Once your child discovers masturbation, he or she will
seldom stop doing it completely. Your child may not do it
as often if any associated power struggles or unhappiness
are remedied. By age 5 or 6, most children can learn some
discretion and will masturbate only in private.
Masturbation becomes almost universal at puberty in response
to the normal surges in hormones and sexual drive.
COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS
Masturbation does not cause any physical injury or harm to
the body. It is not abnormal or excessive unless it is
deliberately done in public places after age 5 or 6. It
does not mean your child will be oversexed, promiscuous, or
sexually deviant. Only if adults overreact to a child's
masturbation and make it seem dirty or wicked will it cause
emotional harm, such as guilt and sexual hangups.
COMING TO TERMS WITH MASTURBATION IN PRESCHOOLERS
- Have realistic goals.
It is impossible to eliminate masturbation. Accept the
fact that your child has learned about it and enjoys it.
The only thing you can control is where he or she does
it. A reasonable goal is to permit it in the bedroom
and bathroom only. You might say to your child, "It's
OK to do that in your bedroom when you're tired." If
you completely ignore the masturbation, no matter where
it's done, your child will think he or she can do it
freely in any setting.
- Ignore masturbation at naptime and bedtime.
Leave your child alone at these times and do not keep
checking on him or her. Do not forbid your child from
lying on the abdomen and do not ask if his or her hands
are between the legs.
- Distract or discipline your child for masturbation at
other times.
First try to distract your child with a toy or activity.
If this fails, explain to your child: "I know that
feels good, and it's okay to do it in your room or the
bathroom, but do not do it in the rest of the house or
when other people are around." By the time children are
4 or 5 years old, they become sensitive to other
people's feelings and understand that they should
masturbate only when they are alone. Younger children
may have to be sent to their rooms to masturbate.
- Discuss this approach with your child's day care or
preschool staff.
Ask your child's caregiver or teacher to respond to your
child's masturbation by first trying to distract the
child. If this doesn't work, they should catch the
child's attention with comments such as, "We need to
have you join us now." Masturbation should be tolerated
at school only at naptime.
- Increase physical contact with your child.
Some children will masturbate less if they receive extra
hugging and cuddling throughout the day. Try to be sure
that your child receives at least 1 hour every day of
special time together and physical affection from you.
- Common mistakes.
The most common mistake that parents make is to try to
eliminate masturbation completely. This leads to a
power struggle which the parents inevitably lose.
Children should not be physically punished for
masturbation, nor yelled at or lectured about it. Do
not label masturbation as bad, dirty, evil, or sinful,
and do not tie your child's hands or use any kind of
restraints. All of these approaches lead only to
resistance and possibly later to sexual inhibitions.
CALL YOUR CHILD'S PHYSICIAN DURING OFFICE HOURS IF:
- Your child continues to masturbate when other people are
around.
- You suspect that your child has been taught to masturbate
by someone.
- You child tries to masturbate others.
- You feel your child is unhappy.
- You cannot accept any masturbation by your child.
- This approach does not bring improvement within 1 month.
- You have other questions or concerns.
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