Clinical Reference Systems: Pediatric Advisor 10.0
Spanish version
Temper Tantrums
DESCRIPTION
A temper tantrum is an immature way of expressing anger. No
matter how calm and gentle a parent you are, your child will
probably throw some tantrums. Try to teach your child that
temper tantrums don't work, that you don't change your mind
because of them. By 3 years of age, you can begin to teach
your child to verbalize his feelings ("You feel angry
because...."). We need to teach children that anger is
normal but that it must be channeled appropriately. By
school age, temper tantrums should be rare. By adolescence,
your teenager can be reminded that blowing up creates a bad
impression and that counting to 10 can help him regain
control.
RESPONSES TO TEMPER TANTRUMS
Overall, praise your child when he controls his temper,
verbally expresses his anger, and is cooperative. Be a good
model by staying calm and not screaming or having adult
tantrums. Avoid spanking because it suggests to your child
that you are out of control. Try using the following
responses to the different types of temper tantrums.
- Support and help children having frustration- or
fatigue-related tantrums.
Children often have temper tantrums when they are
frustrated with themselves. They may be frustrated
because they can't put something together. Young
children may be frustrated because their parents don't
understand their speech. Older children may be
frustrated with their inability to do their homework.
At these times your child needs encouragement and a
parent who listens. Put an arm around him and say
something that shows understanding such as "I know it's
hard, but you'll get better at it. Is there something I
can do to help you?" Also give praise for not giving
up. Some of these tantrums can be prevented by steering
your child away from tasks that he can't do well.
Children tend to have more temper tantrums when they are
tired (for example, when they've missed a nap) because
they are less able to cope with frustrating situations.
At these times put your child to bed. Hunger can
contribute to temper tantrums. If you suspect this,
give your child a snack. Temper tantrums also increase
during sickness.
- Ignore attention-seeking or demanding-type tantrums.
Young children may throw temper tantrums to get their
way. They may want to go with you rather than be left
with the baby sitter, want candy, want to empty a desk
drawer, or want to go outside in bad weather. Tantrums
for attention may include whining, crying, pounding or
hitting the floor or door, slamming a door, or
breath-holding. As long as your child stays in one
place and is not too disruptive, you can leave him
alone.
If you recognize that a certain event is going to push
your child over the edge, try to shift his attention to
something else. However, don't give in to your child's
demands. During the temper tantrum, if his behavior is
harmless, ignore it completely. Once a tantrum has
started, it rarely can be stopped. Move away, even to a
different room; then your child no longer has an
audience. Don't try to reason with your child. Simply
state, "I can see you're very angry. I'll leave you
alone until you cool off. Let me know if you want to
talk." Let your child regain control. After the
tantrum, be friendly and try to return things to normal.
You can prevent some of these tantrums by saying "No"
less often.
- Physically move children having refusal-type or
avoidance-type tantrums.
If your child refuses something unimportant (such as a
snack or lying down in bed), let it go before a tantrum
begins. However, if your child must do something
important, such as go to bed or to day care, he should
not be able to avoid it by having a tantrum.
Some of these tantrums can be prevented by giving your
child a 5-minute warning instead of asking him suddenly
to stop what he is doing. Once a tantrum has begun, let
your child have the tantrum for 2 or 3 minutes. Try to
put his displeasure into words: "You want to play some
more, but it's bedtime." Then take him to the intended
destination (for example, the bed), helping him as much
as is needed (including carrying).
- Use time-outs for disruptive-type tantrums.
Some temper tantrums are too disruptive or aggressive
for parents to ignore. On such occasions send or take
your child to his room for 2 to 5 minutes. Examples of
disruptive behavior include:
- Clinging to you or following you around during the
tantrum.
- Hitting you.
- Screaming or yelling for such a long time that it
gets on your nerves.
- Having a temper tantrum in a public place such as a
restaurant or church. (Move your child to another
place for his time-out. The rights of other people
need to be protected.)
- Throwing something or damaging property during a
temper tantrum.
- Hold children having harmful or rage-type tantrums.
If your child is totally out of control and screaming
wildly, consider holding him. His loss of control
probably scares him. Also hold your child when he is
having tantrums that carry a danger of self-injury (such
as if he is violently throwing himself backward).
Take your child in your arms, tell him you know he is
angry, and offer him your sense of control. Hold him
until you feel his body start to relax. This usually
takes 1 to 3 minutes. Then let him go. This comforting
response is rarely needed after 3 years of age.
Some children won't want you to comfort them. Hold your
child only if it helps. If your child says "Go away,"
do so. After the tantrum subsides, your child will
often want to be held briefly. This is a good way to
get him back into the family activities.
CALL YOUR CHILD'S PHYSICIAN DURING OFFICE HOURS IF:
- Your child has hurt himself or others during tantrums.
- The tantrums occur five or more times per day.
- The tantrums also occur in school.
- Your child has several other behavior problems.
- One of the parents has tantrums or screaming bouts and
can't give them up.
- This approach does not bring improvement within 2 weeks.
- You have other questions or concerns.
|