Clinical Reference Systems: Pediatric Advisor 10.0
Mistreating Peers or Siblings
TEASING OR CALLING OTHERS NAMES
- Examples
Calling a child who is not good in school "dummy," one
who is not athletic "clumsy," or one who has a
bedwetting problem "smelly." These derogatory comments
can be harmful to the self-esteem, especially if they
are true.
- The rule
"Teasing and name-calling are not allowed, because they
are unfair and hurt someone's feelings."
- Discipline technique
Immediate time-out.
- Model
Parents should avoid teasing as well.
TELLING ON OTHERS (TATTLING)
- Description
Children report their siblings' or others' misbehavior
to get them into trouble, a form of one-upmanship.
- The rule
"Don't tell me about your brother's misbehavior unless
it's dangerous. It hurts your friendship." This rule
is based on the premise that bad news gets around, and
if it's important, you'll hear about it.
- Discipline technique
Give verbal disapproval, "I don't want to hear about
it." You can also remind your child, "Tattletales don't
have friends," and "Brothers are supposed to stand up
for each other."
- Praise
Praise your child for looking after, standing up for, or
telling you something good about his sibling or friend.
- Model
Be supportive of others and avoid gossip.
TAKING TOYS AWAY FROM OTHERS
- The rule
"Don't grab toys that other people are playing with."
- Discipline technique
Use logical consequences and return the toy immediately
to the child who owns it or had it. Never let the
aggressive child keep a toy he or she has taken away.
If the misbehavior recurs, use time-out.
- Praise
Praise your child for asking another child if he or she
may use a toy, and also for returning a toy when
requested.
NOT SHARING TOYS
- Premise
Children can't be expected to share toys until age 3 or
4. Generosity has to be the child's decision. But you
can plant the idea with statements such as, "If you
share with other children, they will usually share with
you."
- Discipline technique
A child should not be punished for not sharing his or
her toys. Some problems can be prevented by allowing
your child to take only one toy to the playground until
she reaches an age where she can share. When she's not
playing with her toy, pick it up so that other children
won't take possession of it. For toys that belong to
the family rather than an individual, temporarily put
them away if two children can't take turns with them.
- Praise
Praise your child for any sharing. Encourage your child
to share.
- Model
Share in your home. Share your food, drink, and
possessions with your child. Lend household items to
friends. Mention to your child that this is sharing.
BEING A POOR FRIEND OR SPORT
- Examples
Some children are bossy and dominant with their friends,
causing the friends to leave unhappily. Others show off
so much that their friends find them boring. Others are
poor sports or bad losers and try to change the rules of
a game or sport.
- Discipline technique
Natural consequences. Peer pressure will eventually
shape your child's behavior into what is acceptable in
the peer group. In the meantime your child will lose
some friends until he or she has learned how to treat
other children better. Occasionally ask your child,
"What could you do to be a better friend?" Overall, let
peers work out these disagreements themselves.
- Praise
Praise your child for being courteous, agreeable, and a
good sport about losing.
- Model
Stop being critical and bossy of your child if this
applies. Don't argue with referees at your child's
athletic events.
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Written by B.D. Schmitt, M.D., author of "Your Child's Health," Bantam Books.
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Copyright 1999 Clinical Reference Systems
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