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Clinical Reference Systems: Pediatric Advisor 10.0
Single Parenting
The U.S. Census Bureau indicates that approximately 22% of
families fit the traditional two-parent mold. This means an
increasing number of children in the U.S. are growing up in
a single-parent environment. These single-parent families
include single women choosing to have children and raise
them on their own, divorced parents establishing
single-parenting arrangements, and families who experience
the death of a parent.
Past evidence supported the opinion that divorce can have a
negative effect on a child's development. However, more
recent research has indicated that stability and the lack of
disruption in the home contribute to a child's adjustment
more significantly than the number of parents in the home.
The following list provides some suggestions that could help
in the process of single parenting.
- Establish stability and try to subject your child to as
few changes as possible. This may mean researching
child-care arrangements thoroughly before choosing one
to avoid frequently changing care-givers. Attempt as
few moves as possible in other areas of your life.
- Establish a daily routine and try to stick to it 7 days
a week. This includes awakening and going to bed at
approximately the same time every day, eating meals on a
regular schedule, and picking your child up from child
care at an expected time.
- Routine is also important when establishing a pattern
for visits with a noncustodial parent. Consistent
contact with this parent, both by phone and visitation,
is usually positive and in the child's best interest.
- Determine age-appropriate methods of discipline and
consistently rely on them. Divorced parents should try
to establish similar disciplinary strategies and limits
for acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Limits and
methods of discipline will periodically change as a
child grows older.
- When two parents are raising a child in different homes,
don't put the child in the middle. Don't make your
child responsible for carrying messages between parents.
Don't ask the child to supply information about the
other parent, and don't ask your child to choose sides
in parental battles.
- Remember your child is a child. He or she should not be
concerned with adult problems and concerns. Treating
your child as a confidante or source of support for
personal problems can be very detrimental.
- When your child asks questions about the other parent,
answer them briefly. Address only the questions that
are asked.
- Try to spend at least one "quiet time" period with your
child daily. This is an opportunity to touch base
during a busy schedule and can be calming and
reassuring.
- Establish and maintain family traditions.
- Establish a good support system. This is important for
both the parent and child. It may include extended
family, a consistent "play group," neighbors, friends,
or single-parenting groups. Raising children is
difficult, and a good backup when a parent is frustrated
or exhausted is a necessity.
- Volunteer to participate in activities at your child's
school. This will allow you to meet other parents and
have a basis for topics to talk about with your child.
- Develop a social life separate from your child. This
could include an exercise group, similar interest group,
church organizations, etc. These are also good sources
for support.
- Dating can present different challenges, depending on
the age of your child. Initially, it may be easier on
the child for you to meet your date outside the home
until you have made some decision about the
relationship. Young children tend to attach easily to
adults who spend time with them. Older children can
feel some jealousy or threat from someone with whom they
must share their parent's time and space.
- Seek professional help if serious problems develop. The
feelings of grief or loss are often important to address
in the case of divorce or the death of one parent or
partner. Individual or family counseling can provide
support for both the children and adults involved in
this transition.
- If the status of the family changes from a two-parent
home to a single-parent home, finances are often
affected. It may be necessary to help your children
understand that some activities may have to be limited
and spending on "extras" may be curtailed. Consulting a
financial planner or accountant is often a sound
approach when a parent is forced into a position he or
she has not handled in the past.
- Several organizations and books are available as
resources for information and support:
Organizations:
Parents Without Partners
401 North Michigan Avenue
Chicago, IL 60611-4267
(800) 637-7974
SingleMOTHER
P.O. Box 68
Midland, NC 28107
(704) 888-5437
Suggested Reading:
IN PRAISE OF SINGLE PARENTS: MOTHERS
AND FATHERS EMBRACING THE CHALLENGE;
by Shoshana Alexander; Houghton
Mifflin, 1994
THE BOYS AND GIRLS BOOK ABOUT
ONE-PARENT FAMILIES; by Ricard A.
Gardner; Bantam Books, 1983
THE SINGLE PARENT FAMILY: LIVING
HAPPILY IN A CHANGING WORLD; by
Marge Kennedy and Janet Spencer
King; Crown Publishers, 1994
SINGLE PARENTS BY CHOICE: A GROWING
TREND IN FAMILY LIFE; by Naomi
Miller, Insight Books, 1992
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