Clinical Reference Systems: Pediatric Advisor 10.0
Time-In
By their very dependent nature, newborns and young infants
require and normally get a lot of physical contact from
their parents. As children get older and their demands
change, parents tend to touch their children much less. By
the time children are 4 years old, they are usually toilet
trained, can get dressed and undressed themselves, can feed
themselves, and can bathe themselves. Thus, if parents
don't purposefully try to have a great deal of physical
contact with their children, the children will be touched
much less than they were at an earlier age. There are
several things that parents can do to help offset these
natural changes.
- Physical proximity. During boring or distracting
activities, place your child close to you, where it is
easy to reach him. At dinner, in the car, in a
restaurant, when you have company, or when you are in a
shopping mall, keep your child near you so that physical
contact requires little, if any, additional effort.
- Physical contact. Frequent and brief (1 or 2 seconds),
gentle and nonverbal physical contact will do more to
teach your child that you love her than anything else
you can do. Discipline yourself to touch your child at
least 50 to 100 times each day. Touch your child any
time that she is not doing something wrong or something
that you disapprove of.
- Verbal reprimands. Children may mistakenly interpret
verbal reprimands, nagging, pleading, and yelling as
signs that their parents do not like them. Always keep
in mind the old expression, "If you don't have anything
nice to say, don't say anything at all."
- Nonverbal contact. Try to make most of your contact
with children nonverbal. With young children, physical
contact usually has a calming effect, whereas verbal
praise, questioning, or general comments may only
interrupt what your child was doing.
- Independent play. Children need to have time to
themselves--time when they can play, put things into
their mouths, or stare into space. Generally, children
don't do nearly as well if their parents carry them
around much of the time and constantly try to entertain
them. Keep in mind that, although your baby may fuss
when frustrated, she will never learn to deal with
frustrations if you are always there to help her out.
Give children enough freedom to explore the environment
on their own and they will learn skills that they can
use the rest of their lives.
REMEMBER: Children need lots of brief, nonverbal physical
contact. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say
anything at all.
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