Clinical Reference Systems: Pediatric Advisor 10.0
Raising Your Child's Self-Esteem
Each child carries a unique picture of self, shaped in large
measure by messages communicated by significant people,
especially parents. A child is not born with a self image;
a self image is learned through experiences beginning from
birth.
Self-esteem is the value judgment a person places on self
image. This judgment about worth plays a fundamental role
in children's growth and development. Children with high
self-esteem tend to be more productive, adventuresome, and
self-assured. They are less likely to acquiesce to peer
pressure, frustration, or their own shortcomings.
The following suggestions may help you raise your child's
feelings of self-confidence and worth.
- Feel good about your strengths and accomplishments.
Your feelings of self-acceptance also affect your
child's feelings of personal worth because your child
identifies strongly with you. If your level of
self-esteem is high, your positive attitudes and
practices are likely to contribute to a family
environment characterized by confidence, creativity, and
curiosity.
- Keep your expectations realistic.
Realistic expectations lead to repeated successes which,
in turn, build healthy self-esteem. Conversely,
unreasonably high parental expectations send negative
messages. As a result, youngsters' feelings of personal
worth erode as they withdraw in frustration or believe
they must be perfect to be loved.
To determine whether your expectations are appropriate,
compare your goals for your child with the general
developmental profiles outlined in the topic for your child's
age under Stages of Child Development. Adjust your
expectations accordingly. Beware especially of setting
unusually high standards for a first child.
- Respect your child's unique qualities.
Think about the expectations your parents had for you as
a child. Consider whether you are placing the same
expectations on your child even though your youngster
has a different array of needs and talents.
Your child is unlike all others, and should be loved
unconditionally for the separate person your youngster
is. In other words, it is unhealthy to compare your
child with friends, siblings, or you as a child.
Encourage independence and respect your child's right to
fulfill personal potential.
- Applaud effort, not just outcome.
If your child does not make the team, or win the
spelling bee, or play the lead in the school play, pat
your youngster on the back for trying. While victories
are certainly cause for celebration, less obvious
achievements should also be noted. Even though your
child may not be "first" or "best" or "perfect" in a
particular event or activity, he or she should be
praised for improving or making an attempt in the first
place.
On the other hand, do not overindulge your child with
empty compliments. At times you must make negative or
corrective statements. When you do, comment on your
child's behavior, not on your child him or herself.
For example, instead of saying "You're lazy!", say, "I'm
concerned about your grade in science. What can be done
to improve it?"
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