Clinical Reference Systems: Pediatric Advisor 10.0
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The Time-Out Technique for Discipline
Time-out consists of immediately isolating a child in a
boring place for a few minutes whenever she or he
misbehaves. Time-out is also called quiet time, thinking
time, or cooling-off time. Time-out has the advantage of
providing a cooling-off period to allow both child and
parent to calm down and regain control of their emotions.
Used repeatedly and correctly, the time-out technique can
change almost any childhood behavior. Time-out is the most
effective consequence for toddlers and preschoolers who
misbehave--much better than threatening, shouting, or
spanking. Every parent needs to know how to give time-out.
Time-out is most useful for aggressive, harmful, or
disruptive behavior that cannot be ignored. Time-out is
unnecessary for most temper tantrums. Time-out is not
needed until a child is at least 8 months old and beginning
to crawl. Time-out is rarely needed for children younger
than 18 months because they usually respond to verbal
disapproval. The peak ages for using time-out are 2 to
4 years. During these years children respond to action much
better than words.
CHOOSING A PLACE FOR TIME-OUT
- A time-out chair
When a chair is designated for time-out, it gives time-
out a destination. The chair should be in a boring
location, facing a blank wall or a corner. Don't allow
your child to take anything with him to time-out, such as
a toy, pacifier, security blanket or pet. The child
shouldn't be able to see TV or other people from the
location. A good chair is a heavy one with side arms.
Placed in a corner, such a chair surrounds the child with
boundaries, leaves a small space for the legs, and
reduces thoughts of escape. Alternatives to chairs are
standing in a particular corner, sitting on a particular
spot on the floor, or being in a playpen (if the child is
not old enough to climb out of it).
Usually the chair is placed in an adjacent hallway or
room. Some children less than 2 years old have
separation fears and need the time-out chair (or playpen)
to be in the same room as the parent. When you are in
the same room as your child, carefully avoid making eye
contact with the child.
- A time-out room
Children who refuse to stay in a time-out chair need to
be sent to a time-out room. Confinement to a room is
easier to enforce. The room should be one that is safe
for the child and contains no valuables. The child's
bedroom is often the most convenient and safe place for
time-out. Although toys are available in the bedroom,
the child does not initially play with them because she
is upset about being excluded from mainstream activities.
Forbid turning on the radio, stereo, or video games
during time-out in the bedroom. Avoid any room that is
dark or scary (such as some basements), contains hot
water (bathrooms), or has filing cabinets or bookshelves
that could be pulled down on the child.
- Time-out away from home
Time-out can be effectively used in any setting. In a
supermarket, younger children can be put back in the
grocery cart and older children may need to stand in a
corner. In shopping malls, children can take their time-
out sitting on a bench or in a restroom. Sometimes a
child needs to be taken to the car and made to sit on the
floor of the back seat for the required minutes. If the
child is outdoors and misbehaves, you can ask him to
stand facing a tree.
HOW TO ADMINISTER TIME-OUT
- Deciding the length of time-out
Time-out should be short enough to allow your child to
have many chances to go back to the original situation
and learn the acceptable behavior. A good rule of thumb
is 1 minute per year of age (with a maximum of
10 minutes). After age 6, most children can be told they
are in time-out "until you can behave," allowing them to
choose how long they stay there. If the problem behavior
recurs, the next time-out should last the recommended
time for their age.
Setting a portable kitchen timer for the required number
of minutes is helpful. The best type ticks continuously
and rings when the time is up. A timer can stop a child
from asking the parents when he can come out.
- Sending your child to time-out
Older children will usually go to time-out on their own.
Younger children often need to be led there by their
wrist, or in some cases carried there protesting. If
your child doesn't go to time-out within 5 seconds, take
her there. Tell your child what she did wrong in one
sentence (such as, "No hitting"). If possible, also
clarify the preferred behavior (such as, "Be kind to
George"). These brief comments give your child something
to think about during the time-out.
- Requiring quiet behavior in time-out
The minimum requirement for time-out completion is that
your child does not leave the chair or time-out place
until the time-out is over. If your child leaves ahead
of time, reset the timer.
Some parents do not consider a time-out to be completed
unless the child has been quiet for the entire time.
However, until 4 years of age, many children are
unwilling or unable to stay quiet. Ignore tantrums in
time-out, just as you should ignore tantrums outside of
time-out. After age 4, quiet time is preferred but not
required. You can tell your child, "Time-out is supposed
to be for thinking, and to think you've got to be quiet.
If you yell or fuss, the time will start over."
- Dealing with room damage
If your child makes a mess in his room (for example,
empties clothing out of drawers or takes the bed apart),
he must clean it up before he is released from time-out.
Toys that were misused can be packed away. Some damage
can be prevented by removing any scissors or crayons from
the room before the time-out begins.
- Releasing your child from time-out
To be released, your child must have performed a
successful time-out. This means she stayed in time-out
for the required number of minutes. Your child can leave
time-out when the timer rings. If you don't have a
timer, she can leave when you tell her, "Time-out is
over. You can get up now." Many parents of children
over 4 years old require their children to be quiet at
the end of time-out. If a child is still noisy when the
timer rings, it can be reset for 1 minute.
BACK-UP PLANS
- The younger child who refuses to stay in time-out
In general, if a child escapes from time-out (gets up
from the chair or spot), you should quickly take the
child back to time-out and reset the timer. This
approach works for most children. If a child refuses to
stay in time-out, the parent should take action rather
than arguing or scolding the child. You may temporarily
need to hold a strong-willed, 2- or 3-year-old child in
time-out. Holding your child in time-out teaches your
child that you mean what you say and that he must obey
you. Place your child in the time-out chair and hold him
by the shoulders from behind. Tell your child that you
will stop holding him when he stops trying to escape.
Then avoid eye contact and any more talking. Pretend
that you don't mind doing this and are thinking of
something else or listening to music. Your child will
probably stop trying to escape after a week of this
approach.
A last resort for young children who continue to resist
sitting in a chair is putting them in the bedroom with a
gate blocking the door. Occasionally a parent with
carpentry skills can install a half-door. If you cannot
devise a barricade, then you can close the door. You can
hold the door closed for the 3 to 5 minutes it takes to
complete the time-out period. If you don't want to hold
the door, you can put a latch on the door that allows it
to be temporarily locked. Most children need their door
closed only two or three times.
- The older child who refuses to stay in time-out
An older child can be defined in this context as one who
is too strong for the parent to hold in a time-out chair.
In general, any child older than 5 years who does not
take time-out quickly should be considered a refuser. In
such cases the discipline should escalate to a
consequence that matters to the child. First, you can
make the time-out longer, adding one extra minute for
each minute of delay. Second, if 5 minutes pass without
your child going to time-out, your child can be grounded.
"Grounded" is defined as no TV, radio, stereo, video
games, toys, telephone access, outside play, snacks, or
visits with friends. After grounding your child, walk
away and no longer talk to her. Your child becomes
"ungrounded" only after she takes her regular time-out
plus the 5 minutes of penalty time. Until then, her day
is very boring. If your child refuses the conditions of
grounding, she can be sent to bed 15 minutes earlier for
each time she breaks the grounding requirements. The
child whose behavior doesn't improve with this approach
usually needs to be evaluated by a mental health
professional.
PRACTICING TIME-OUT WITH YOUR CHILD
If you have not used time-out before, go over it with your
child before you start using it. Tell your child it will
replace spanking, yelling, and other forms of discipline.
Review the kinds of negative behavior that will lead to
placement in time-out. Also review the positive behavior
that you would prefer. Then pretend with your child that he
has broken one of the rules. Take him through the steps of
time-out so he will understand your directions when you send
him to time-out in the future. Also teach this technique to
your babysitter.
CALL YOUR PHYSICIAN DURING OFFICE HOURS IF:
- Your child hurts himself during time-out.
- Your child runs out of the house to avoid time-out.
- Your child has to be kept in her room with the gate up
for time-outs for more than 1 week.
- Your child needs his door closed and locked at night for
more than 1 week.
- Your child refuses to take time-outs despite being
grounded for 3 days.
- Your child refuses to cooperate with time-outs after
using this approach for 1 month.
- Your child has many other behavioral problems.
For more information, see
What to Do When Time-Out Doesn't Seem to Be Working
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