Clinical Reference Systems: Pediatric Advisor 10.0
Time-Out: When It Doesn't Seem to Be Working
Some parents become discouraged with time-out. Their
child repeats misbehavior immediately after release from
time-out. Other children seem to improve temporarily but by
the next day are repeating the behavior the parent is trying
to stop. Some children refuse to go to time-out or won't
stay there. None of these examples means that time-out
should be abandoned. It remains the best discipline
technique for 2- to 5-year-old children. If you use time-
out repeatedly, consistently, and correctly, your child will
eventually improve. The following recommendations may help
you fine-tune how you are using time-out.
- Give your child more physical affection each day. Be
sure your child receives two time-ins for every time-out
each day. A time-in is a positive, close, brief human
interaction. Try to restore the positive side of your
relationship with your child. Catch him being good.
Try to hold your child for 1 or 2 minutes every
15 minutes when he's not in time-out or misbehaving.
Play with your child more. Children who feel neglected
or overly criticized don't want to please their parents.
- Use time-out every time your child engages in the
behavior you are trying to change (target behavior).
Use time-out more frequently. For the first 2 or 3 days
you may need to use time-outs 20 or more times a day to
gain a defiant toddler's attention. Brief time-outs are
harmless and there is no upper limit on how many times
you can use them as long as you off-set them with
positive interactions.
- Use time-out. Don't just threaten to use time-out.
For aggressive behaviors, give no warnings, just put
your child in time-out. Better yet, intercept your
child when you see her starting to raise her arm or
clench her fist and before she makes others cry. For
other behaviors, remind your child of the rule, count to
three, and if she doesn't stop immediately, put her in
time-out.
- Put your child in time-out earlier. Put your child in
time-out before his behavior worsens. Your child is
more likely to accept a time-out calmly if he's put in
early rather than if he's put in late (and screaming).
Also, putting him in early means you will be more in
control of your emotions. Try to put your child in
time-out before you become angry. If you are still
yelling when you put your child in time-out, it will not
work.
- Put your child in time-out quickly. Don't talk about it
first. When your child breaks a rule, have her in time-
out within 10 seconds.
- Don't talk to your child during time-out. Don't answer
his questions or complaints. Don't try to lecture your
child.
- Ignore tantrums in time-out. Don't insist on quietness
during time-out because it makes it harder to finish the
time-out.
- Return your child to time-out if he escapes. Have a
back-up plan for further discipline; for example,
holding a young child in the time-out chair or grounding
an older child.
- Consider increasing the length of time-out. If your
child is over 3 years old and needs to be placed in
time-out more than 10 times each day, a longer time-out
may be needed to get her attention. A preschooler with
a strong-willed temperament may temporarily need a time-
out that lasts 2 or 3 minutes per year of her age.
Children younger than 3 years should receive only brief
time-outs (1 minute per year of age) because it is
difficult for them to stay in time-out any longer.
- Make the time-out place more boring. If your child
doesn't seem to mind the time-outs, eliminate sources of
entertainment. Move the time-out chair to a more boring
location. If you use your child's bedroom, close the
blinds or shades. Make sure that siblings or pets
aren't visiting. Temporarily remove all toys and games
from the bedroom and store them elsewhere.
- Use a portable timer for keeping track of the time.
Your child is more likely to obey a timer than to obey
you.
- Be kinder in your delivery of time-out. This will help
reduce your child's anger. Say you're sorry he needs a
time-out, but be firm about it. Try to handle your
child gently when you take him to time-out.
- Praise your child for taking a good time-out. Forgive
your child completely when you release her from time-
out. Don't give lectures or ask for an apology. Give
your child a clean slate and don't tell her father or
relatives how many time-outs she needed that day.
- Don't punish your child for the normal expression of
anger, such as saying angry things or looking angry.
Don't try to control your child too much.
- Give your child more choices about how he takes his
time-out. Ask, "Do you want to take a time-out by
yourself or do you want me to hold you in your chair?
It doesn't matter to me." (For older children, the
choice can be, "By yourself or do you want to be
grounded?")
- Give your child the option of coming out of time-out as
soon as she is under control rather than taking the
specified number of minutes. Some children feel overly
controlled.
- Use a variety of consequences for misbehavior. Ignore
harmless behaviors. Also use distraction for bad
habits. Use logical consequences--such as removal of
toys, other possessions, or privileges--for some
misbehavior.
- Clarify with your child what you want him to do. Also
clarify the house rules. Review this at a time when
your child is in a good mood. This will help him be
more successful.
- Use time-out with siblings when appropriate. Be sure
that one sibling isn't being treated preferentially. If
siblings touch the timer or tease the child in time-out,
they should also be placed in time-out.
- Teach all caretakers to use time-out correctly and
consistently.
For more information, see
Discipline: Time-Out Technique
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