Clinical Reference Systems: Pediatric Advisor 10.0

Youngsters this age usually react to divorce with anger. Children are likely to be intensely critical and resentful of their parents' decision to divorce. Like younger school- age children, they may continue to blame rigidly one or both parents, and to ignore or dislike outwardly their parents' dates. They may also resent the additional household or child care responsibilities.

Children in this stage of development do not like to stand out among their peers and generally feel shamed or embarrassed by the divorce. In addition, they tend to have very practical concerns about day-to-day family life; they worry about family finances and whether they are a drain on their parents' resources. They also have acquired the ability to empathize and worry about how their parents are coping. They may mask their true feelings through a display of bravado or a flurry of activity.

Here are some suggestions that might help your school-age child cope with this transition.

1. Discourage reconciliation fantasies.

   Avoid dinners, outings, or holiday celebrations with your ex- spouse; they only fuel your child's fantasies. Instead, emphasize the finality of divorce.

2. Make sure your child has the phone number of the absent parent.

   Both parents should encourage easy access and frequent conversations with the noncustodial parent.

3. Do not allow your child to manipulate you into buying more possessions.

   School-age children are likely to feel deprived. Although they may intensify requests for playthings or other possessions, do not try to retain your child's affection through material objects. Even children of divorce need to be told "No!"

4. Talk to your child's teachers or school counselors about the divorce.

   They may then better understand possible learning or behavioral problems and will likely offer extra support.

See also:

General Guidelines to Help a Child Cope with Divorce

Books to Help a Child Cope with Divorce