Clinical Reference Systems: Pediatric Advisor 10.0

By the time children reach the early school-age years, they no longer cope by denying the reality of divorce. They are keenly aware of the pervasive pain and sadness, and yearn desperately for a reconciliation.

They tend to view life in black and white, and are likely to blame one parent for the break-up. Boys, especially, mourn the loss of their fathers and frequently express anger at their mothers. Both boys and girls have great difficulty accepting their parents' new dates.

Crying, daydreaming, and problems with friends and school are common divorce-related behaviors in children this age.

Here are some suggestions that might help your school-age child cope with this transition.

1. Discourage reconciliation fantasies.

   Avoid dinners, outings, or holiday celebrations with your ex-spouse; they only fuel your child's fantasies. Instead, emphasize the finality of divorce.

2. Make sure your child has the phone number of the absent parent.

   Both parents should encourage easy access and frequent conversations with the noncustodial parent.

3. Do not allow your child to manipulate you into buying more possessions.

   School-age children are likely to feel deprived. Although they may intensify requests for playthings or other possessions, do not try to retain your child's affection through material objects. Even children of divorce need to be told "No!"

4. Talk to your child's teachers or school counselors about the divorce.

   They may then better understand possible learning or behavioral problems and will likely offer extra support.

See also:

General Guidelines to Help a Child Cope with Divorce

Books to Help a Child Cope with Divorce