Clinical Reference Systems: Pediatric Advisor 10.0
Sex Education for Preschoolers
You as a parent are your child's primary sex educator.
You may find it helpful to look through materials and think
through your answers ahead of time. In addition, books that
you and your child can read together are invaluable for
opening up discussion.
Avoid overloading your child with too much information, but
do answer all of your child's questions honestly. If you do
not know the answer to a particular question, tell your
child that you will look it up together.
Sex Education
By age 4, most children develop a healthy sexual curiosity.
They usually ask a variety of questions and need honest, brief
answers. If your child doesn't ask sexual questions by age
5, bring up the subject of sex yourself (for example, ask
your child where he thinks babies come from or leave a
children's sex ed book lying around). Otherwise your child
may acquire misinformation from schoolmates.
Teach the differences in anatomy and proper names for body
parts. This is easy to do when your child is taking a bath
with siblings or friends.
Teach your child about pregnancy. Ask a pregnant friend if
she will let your child feel the movements of her baby.
Explain the birth process. Tell your child that the baby
comes out through a special passage called the vagina. Help
your child understand the process by seeing the birth of
puppies or kittens.
Explain sexual intercourse. Many parents who discuss
everything else postpone this topic. Get past this hurdle
by reading children's picture books about sex to your child.
A child who learns about these basic topics by age 5 will
find it easy to ask you more about sex as he or she grows
older.
Let your child see and experience physical affection. Warm
hugs and friendly kisses between mom and dad and other
family members convey feelings of love and caring. Your
youngster learns that physical affection can be expressed in
many ways.
Normal Sexual Play
In normal sexual development between ages 3 and 5, children
commonly undress together and look at each other's genitals.
This is their attempt to learn about sexual differences.
You can help make this discovery a positive experience for
your child.
After your child's friends have gone home, read your child a
book about sex education. Help your child talk about how a
boy's body is different from a girl's body.
Tell your child that genitals are private and that's why we
wear clothes. Clarify basic rules: It's OK to see other
people's genitals but not to touch them or stare at them.
It's not acceptable to show someone your genitals
deliberately.
In the future supervise your child's play more closely. If
your child and friends occasionally expose their bodies to
each other, ignore it. But if such exposure becomes
frequent, tell the children it's not polite and they need to
stop. If they continue this behavior despite your talking
to them, give them a 5-minute time-out in separate rooms or
send them home for the day. Don't give any major punishment
or act horrified.
It's up to parents to put the brakes on undressing games.
If you don't, they usually escalate into touching and
poking. But keep your response low key.
Nudity and Your Child
Feelings about nudity vary from family to family. Exposure
to nudity with siblings or the parent of the same sex is
fine and continues indefinitely (for example, in locker
rooms). Nudity with the parent or sibling of the opposite
sex probably should be phased out when a child is between
ages 4 and 5 for these reasons:
- Your child will soon be entering school and nudity is not
accepted at school.
- Most families in our society practice modesty, so a child
who is interested in looking at other people's bodies can
get into trouble.
- It is more comfortable for children to learn genital
anatomy from siblings and friends of the same age than
from seeing their parents nude.
If you agree with these reasons, try the following
recommendations to begin to teach your child respect for
privacy when he or she is 4 to 5 years old:
- Stop showering and bathing with your child (especially if
the child is of the opposite sex).
- Close the bathroom door when you use the toilet.
- Close the bedroom door when you get dressed and suggest
that your child do the same.
Sexual Molestation
Emphasize that no one is allowed to touch your child's
genitals or where his or her bathing suit covers. If
anyone, even someone they know, touches them or makes them
uncomfortable for any reason, they should tell you
immediately regardless of what the person might have done or
said to them.
Inform your child about sexual molestation sensitively but
realistically. Stress that most people are kind and good,
but some do not like children and will try to trick them.
Warn your youngster never to go anywhere with a stranger--
man or woman--even if the stranger says that you (or another
familiar person) told him or her to come and get your child.
Go through "What if . . ?" situations: "What if you were
home and a stranger came to the door or called on the
phone?" "What if a stranger called to you from a car or
truck?"
Call Your Child's Physician During Office Hours If:
- Your child won't stop touching other children's genitals.
- Your child won't stop exposing his genitals.
- Your child has an excessive interest in sex or nudity.
- You have other questions or concerns.
Related Topics
Masturbation in Preschoolers
Book List: Sex Education
Sexual Behavior: Setting Limits
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